Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?

by Kelly Knowlden

Every person wants to know the answer to some basic questions and there are some very funny skits using these questions... a young man asking his mentor, “Who am I? Why am I here?... Why do
birds suddenly appear?” [last question is for those of us who remember The Carpenters song Close To You]

Of course, the seriousness of the first two questions really demands an answer that can only be given in the context of family. I have written about parents naming their children in past weekly reminders, so I would like to focus on the second question: Why am I here?

All of us need a sense of purpose that is tied to reality. While children are young and their personalities and propensities are still developing, it is exciting to think of all the possibilities that are open to them. Communicating a sense of hopefulness in anticipating the future is necessary so that children do not become cynical or bitter.

However, what children need more than that is to have an “ultimate” sense of their purpose, namely, that they are created by God for the purpose of delighting in Him. God is to be enjoyed. It is fun for children to go to Grandma’s house because they have a sense of Grandma’s love for them that is different from yours [partially because you have to deal with the day to day...]. They need to sense that same enjoyment with God. They are here to be submissive to Him and His direction for them. That is why submission is so important to teach them. If they gain that sense of humility while they are young, they will know great peace and delight in the odd directions, twists and turns that “life” brings them.

So how do you develop that sense of purpose? Tell them the old, familiar stories of the Bible with that perspective. When reading of Samson, talk about how Samson was living for pleasures and desires that were temporary. He did not sense His need to be delighting in God who gave him his strength. He thought that “I am strong enough for this.” Then talk to your children about how we believe the same lie. “I can do this...” is inculcated from the time children read Grover from Sesame Street until they start watching every movie out there. Every video game is based on that premise.

Foggy Roads

by Kelly Knowlden

Have you ever driven in the fog - a fog that was so thick that you could not see 30 feet in front of you? What did it feel like? If you are like me, there is a scary feeling in the pit of stomach because you think of all the what-ifs that seem to be very intense. “I cannot see the yellow line...What if I drive off the road into a ditch... What if I overtake another car and have an accident because I cannot see them...?”

That is what it is like for children who grow up without the boundaries of a “yellow line” of submission to parental direction. Here I am talking about more than just the “do what I say, because I said it—NOW!” Children need the guidance that parental direction gives, but they need to be taught to accept that direction as well. Here I am talking about teaching our children the intent of obedience which is submission to authority. The definition of submission is to humbly accept another’s will or direction. The longer children live without that understanding of obedience as a submission to authority, the more the child will think of his autonomy as “normal.” He will come to “like” that feeling of scared excitement of being in the fog...


So, how do you have a child “feel” loved if he has not understood the issues of submission? It is not too late to talk to him about that. Here are some things you will want to ensure that your child understands in those “non-discipline” moments of reading God’s Word together.

1. Authority is established by God. It is not your idea. You are simply a “vice-regent” that is, working under the laws that God has ordained to run the universe.
2. Submission to authority rules out debate and talking back. Questions, respectfully asked with a willingness to do what is asked, regardless if they make sense, are acceptable. Children need to be taught “how” to ask these kinds of questions.
3. God has placed those in authority over us for our good. Even when the authority makes errors in judgment or is wrong, God can be trusted in what He has given.

There are many more aspects of this that need to be ferreted out and understood, but the goal is to teach our children how to interpret the world. They will “feel” loved by our providing “yellow lines.”

Tomatoes and Children

Photo by CJW

by Kelly Knowlden

Tomatoes grow best in 75-85 degree temperatures. The soil should be kept evenly moist and prepared with a good fertilizer.

It should be no surprise that children also grow best in certain conditions. Let me consider just one of those. But let me first tell you a story to illustrate the point that I want to make.

When our oldest son was in first grade, I was the teacher. I had a good relationship with him and things went along fine. However, school is a bit different from home and he would do these things that all kids do - but he was my son and I didn’t want him to do them... For example, rolling his pencil down the desk for the purpose of hearing the sound it makes. I would look at him with a stern look and shake my head. I would use my eyebrows to express “STOP already!” I would use other facial methods for conveying my disapproval. After several weeks of this, I began to realize that my relationship with him was different. Then I heard our pastor speak about Proverbs 3:12 ...because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. It was the last part of the verse that hit me like a ton of bricks. If someone asked my son if Daddy loved him he would have answered “yes...” because he knew it was the right answer. If the question was, “Does it feel like Daddy loves him,” I think the answer would have been quite different. I had inadvertently put him in the “doghouse” daily by my looks and attitudes.

Growing children who do not look elsewhere for their acceptance is dependent upon parents being able to create an atmosphere where the child FEELS loved. We do that by our acceptance of them in spite of all their foibles and misbehavior. (That does not mean that we accept that behavior; that topic will be next week...) Rather it resembles the love that we receive from the Lord of glory.
How are you conveying that everyday?

Speaking and Listening

by Kelly Knowlden

Kids often think of parents as lecturers. If a parent wants the kid to know something, the parent tells him what it is that he wants the kid to know. This is the reason for the “Wah wah-wah, wah-wah” sound used in Charlie Brown TV specials when the teacher or parent is giving instruction.

And there is good reason for parents to give instruction. The Bible tells parents in many places to speak words of instruction: (implied) “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Prov. 1:8. Children do need instruction and we do need to give it.

However, that being said, we also need to be wise in listening to our children. I often tell teachers that if the child wants to chase rabbits, then you chase rabbits. Here is what I mean: You are talking to your child about good work habits and they say that they have a hard time concentrating. Rather than telling them that they need to concentrate, ask them what they mean by that. Or, ask them why they don’t seem to have a hard time concentrating on things that they like to do. Or ask if there is some- thing about this particular subject that makes it hard to concentrate. The questions are limitless! Then if they respond with, “Well, I mean that I am thinking about the game I was playing and could not get that out of my head,” more questions will help dissect and refine the problem.

Of course, there will be need to give them the truth of coming to the One who stands with His arms open wide ready to help. That spiritual component of help can only be given if you, as the parent, have really listened to your child and know what it is that they need to hear from God’s Word.

My prayer is that at the end of this year, we all would be further in our ability to hear what our children are saying and speak to their spiritual needs from the truth of God’s Word.