Conversations

by Kelly Knowlden

Conversation, generally defined, means to talk.

However, there is a lot of talking which would never fall into the category of an “interchange of thought” (Prov. 10:19). What often happens in group settings where talking is taking place, is one person speaks about a topic and all others stand around waiting to lunge in with their piece and so on.
Now here is where the Christian mind must do its work. For the mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart (Luke 6:45). Self-centeredness of living will never see conversation as an opportunity to find out what is going on in the heart/mind of someone else. Rather we will “air our own opinions” (Prov. 18:2).

In talking to our children, we often end up telling them how we would deal with the problems they face (or how we did “when I was a boy...”) or we tell them what we think they need to hear. Very little time is spent in finding out what they are thinking and feeling. And so we reproduce by modeling people who mostly fill the air with self-talk.

Conversations with our children ought to be a combination of instruction in truth coupled with finding out what they are thinking. Prov. 20:5 says, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” Learning how to ask effective questions that get “under the skin” will help them understand themselves. Then we will have the opportunity to posit objective reality into their lives that gets them past “this is how I feel.” We certainly do not want to so identify with their hurts and immature perspectives that we get drawn into their thinking, but rather we will want to ask them questions that help them hear truth that is real outside of how they feel. Those questions will sound like, “Could it be that she did not mean to snub you?” or “Is it possible that you did not hear the teacher accurately?” This will take time, effort and repentance from our own self-centered conversations but the results will be children who feel heard and engaged in the lively discourse of truth!