Tone-Deaf Children

by Kelly Knowlden

Did you know that newborn children pick up on tone of voice first—before they ever understand what the words spoken mean? That continues for a long time into adolescence. Children learn that the tone of voice often conveys what is meant.

Here is a parent problem. Why do children ignore a teacher, even when the teacher is calling their name? I wonder if it is because the student doesn’t have a context for the words that are spoken and is relying on the tone of the words to convey meaning. So rather than having the words, “No, you may not talk now,” spoken in an even tone and without any ‘edge’ to them, mean that the child cannot talk - instead it means that because there is no raised volume, no threat, no frustration lining the words, then the teacher must not mean it.

In some ways, what we want to be doing as parents is raising children who are tone deaf. That is, they are more concerned with the information-value of the words spoken [what they mean] rather than the tonal-value [how they are spoken]. What this requires is to generally be using the same tone in our speech whether we are instructing, whether we are reasoning or whether we are directing or giving commands. The words themselves need to carry the weight of our intentions.

Another thing this presupposes is our understanding the nature of authority. It will require us to remember that as a parent in the home, I speak with the authority of being a vice-regent of God Himself. He has given parents the task of raising children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. He has required us to be the ones who put ‘feet’ to understanding and communicating His ways to the next generation. God gave that task to parents in families. Therefore, a primary task is to make the words you speak be words of life-giving direction with a tone that does not detract from the message. I need help doing that. Thankfully, Jesus Christ has sent us a Helper in the form of His Spirit. Let’s rely on Him today.