by Kelly Knowlden
The Frown-of-Disapproval, The-Knitting-of-the-Eyebrows, and The-I’m-Disappointed-With-You-Statement undermines your work as a parent. We should NOT be conveying to our children that they somehow have made us unhappy. Why?
Children who live with those pressures soon realize that they must “perform” to win Mom and Dad’s approval. Because they are sinners, they also learn pretty quickly that they do more that displeases than makes their parents happy. It also makes the whole issue of training to be about us. Here is what I mean.
I did not make up the moral code that I want my children to live by. God did. Therefore, when they disobey, or are disrespectful, the issue is really not about me or my feelings or what I like. They have broken the Law of God. I become the mediator. I must bring to them life giving words that are corrective. (Do they understand what they did? Do they understand why it is wrong? Do they know that ultimately their offense is toward God?) I must make the discipline match God’s directives...measured and appropriate to the offense. And I must make sure that they know that I love them and that I am on their side. (“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Heb. 12:11) I love it when I get to talk to your children in my office. It is an opportunity to participate in the work of the Holy Spirit by drawing alongside to help in bringing life giving words of truth to them.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Listen My Son
by Kelly Knowlden
This is the “Year of the Ear.” We are using the Proverbs to talk about listening. The first nine chapters either refer to or imply “Listen, my son…” and then talk about what to listen to and the benefits of hearing instruction.
One of the things that I have been struck by is the implication that the father who is speaking believes that listening is important and wants to do that himself. Here is what I mean. Parents that are interested in hearing what others (not just children) have to say, are more likely to be genuinely interested in hearing what their children have to say. Asking questions, listening to their stories, enjoying their ideas all reflect a desire to know what they are thinking. This in turn, fosters a desire to hear. So when dad says, “listen, my son,” he has gained their ear because he has modeled it himself.
Two cautions: in our busyness, it is hard work to listen. We have things that we must communicate or we must get done, or we feel pressured by. So hearing a child’s story of his big toe hurting, or a middle school daughter’s lament over not having any friends or a high school student’s concerns over how they look is often heard “under pressure.” Then the hard work of sitting down and listening to them comes into play. The other caution is to remember that we while we listen with “our ears wide open” yet
we realize that they are immature in their thinking and listen within that framework. Let’s encourage our children to listen by being listeners.
This is the “Year of the Ear.” We are using the Proverbs to talk about listening. The first nine chapters either refer to or imply “Listen, my son…” and then talk about what to listen to and the benefits of hearing instruction.
One of the things that I have been struck by is the implication that the father who is speaking believes that listening is important and wants to do that himself. Here is what I mean. Parents that are interested in hearing what others (not just children) have to say, are more likely to be genuinely interested in hearing what their children have to say. Asking questions, listening to their stories, enjoying their ideas all reflect a desire to know what they are thinking. This in turn, fosters a desire to hear. So when dad says, “listen, my son,” he has gained their ear because he has modeled it himself.
Two cautions: in our busyness, it is hard work to listen. We have things that we must communicate or we must get done, or we feel pressured by. So hearing a child’s story of his big toe hurting, or a middle school daughter’s lament over not having any friends or a high school student’s concerns over how they look is often heard “under pressure.” Then the hard work of sitting down and listening to them comes into play. The other caution is to remember that we while we listen with “our ears wide open” yet
we realize that they are immature in their thinking and listen within that framework. Let’s encourage our children to listen by being listeners.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Blurb
by Kelly Knowlden
Blurb: Term coined by Gelett Burgess [1907] famous for purple cow poems:
However, a piece of paper is only one-sided. It is not a very satisfactory conversation. So please, if you have any comments, questions, and observations about what is written or what we are doing -- please call and talk to me. I am anxious to have this be a dynamic process that engages your ideas as well. Thanks in advance for your part in this conversation.
Blurb: Term coined by Gelett Burgess [1907] famous for purple cow poems:
I never saw a purple cow,Each week, I will be writing a short Blurb about matters related to schooling and parenting. My goal in this is twofold. One is to have us take a few minutes to stop and thing. Because of the busyness of life, I need this. I need to reflect often on what I am doing and why. The second goal is to have us stop and think together. Because we are designed to live in communitites, we at ICS are bound together by common concerns of educating our children. That commonality means that we must have an ongoing conversation about the best ways to accomplish those ends. We need to reflect on what He says is important in raising children and educating them. This is an intentional attempt to do that.
I never hope to see one,
But from the milk we're getting now,
There certainly must be one.
However, a piece of paper is only one-sided. It is not a very satisfactory conversation. So please, if you have any comments, questions, and observations about what is written or what we are doing -- please call and talk to me. I am anxious to have this be a dynamic process that engages your ideas as well. Thanks in advance for your part in this conversation.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
First Day - Last Day
by Kelly Knowlden
The first day of school each year is an event that is very important in the lives of our children. They are anxious in thinking about new friends, new things to learn, and sometimes a new teacher! All of us look forward to special days with anticipation and certain fears. They come. They go. And then they become part of the back-ground of life patterns. In many ways these special days that we anticipate are a picture of the “Grand Day” when Jesus comes again. That is THE Grand Excitement for which we look.
But we must live our first day (and every day) in light of the last day of school ...or of life, because then the value of what has been done each day will be measured.
As parents, we need to have that long term view of each day’s work so that we invest it rightly. We must show our students what is ultimately valuable by how we spend our days and how we respond to what God brings our way. When calamity strikes, we don’t strike back, but we respond with confidence in what God has brought (like roofs that leak and postpone our plans!)
This year our goal is to hold out for your children the reality of That Grand Day of Jesus’ return as they work and play and learn.. We want it ALL to be done in light of that First ‘Day’ of eternity.
The first day of school each year is an event that is very important in the lives of our children. They are anxious in thinking about new friends, new things to learn, and sometimes a new teacher! All of us look forward to special days with anticipation and certain fears. They come. They go. And then they become part of the back-ground of life patterns. In many ways these special days that we anticipate are a picture of the “Grand Day” when Jesus comes again. That is THE Grand Excitement for which we look.
But we must live our first day (and every day) in light of the last day of school ...or of life, because then the value of what has been done each day will be measured.
As parents, we need to have that long term view of each day’s work so that we invest it rightly. We must show our students what is ultimately valuable by how we spend our days and how we respond to what God brings our way. When calamity strikes, we don’t strike back, but we respond with confidence in what God has brought (like roofs that leak and postpone our plans!)
This year our goal is to hold out for your children the reality of That Grand Day of Jesus’ return as they work and play and learn.. We want it ALL to be done in light of that First ‘Day’ of eternity.
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