"Bumpa"

by Kelly Knowlden

In my “blurb” pile (which is where I keep ideas for these articles) I have an article that lists things I am missing that are truly important if...

• the kids are startled when you want to interact with them.
• a fun weekend for you is working at the office, or working in the yard—by choice, not necessity.
• when you way, “I’ll play with you later...” and you actually think there will be a “later.”

Your children are one of those truly important things. Your days with them are short. You have only eighteen years or so to form in them the things that are most important... like loving God and others, living for God’s glory and not their own, enjoying each day as a gift from God, valuing God’s Word more than video games or all other pleasures here below, enjoying family life together, teaching them what true success is all about, etc.

That means that bath times, bed times, seeing them play a Little League game, reading to them, praying with them, having conversations at the table with them, helping them with homework, all will come to an end. Building relationships with them now is essential so that when they are grown and gone they want to have a relationship with you. I know because now I am “Bumpa.” [grandpa]

When I read this list of things that I should have done, I think that I could have done that more conscientiously. I should have kept those perspectives in view. I work with students—surely I should know those things. But the truth is, busyness—even those legitimate pursuits—must keep me going to Christ to help me not neglect the things that are truly important. Yard work, calling the widow, helping the unsaved neighbor, vocational work all must take second place in the investment of time.

So this is a reminder. Now is your chance. Invest in the relationships that will matter. First God, and take your family with you in that investment. Sometimes the seed of teenage rebellion is simply our lack of investment. Children will seek a relationship with those who are most important to them. When we are too busy, they will pursue relationships elsewhere. Do it now, so that you can enjoy developing relationships with the next generation as “Bumpa.”

Roadblocks

by Kelly Knowlden

Life has its bumps and roadblocks. For students who are learning about life, they are also learning how to handle those setbacks as they come. One of the things that I have noticed is that increasingly students do not know how to deal effectively with the disappointments that come to them. Often they emote: “It’s too hard.” “My fingers are tired.” “I think this is a stupid assignment.” Rarely do they immediately think, “How do I solve this?” Parents don’t help by taking part in their child’s hurts. This results in discouragement and giving up.

Here is an example of how the process could go: Problems come. Students emote. At this point, they need to hear that being sinned against does not always demand justice; that losing their book demands that they find it; that forgotten homework means doing it over if it is due that day; that being late is inconsiderate of others; that teachers have the right to run a class in the way that they see best. Ultimately, children and young people need to see the sowing and reaping principle that God has established in the world. Rules not kept, deadlines unmet, angry responses bring consequences. The same is true on the positive side of things. Rules kept bring blessing. Deadlines met bring not only the accolades of a good reputation, but also the commending to bigger and better things. This is the way the world works. Learning to heed this early on, informs them that they may not give in to whatever they feel at the moment.

Perhaps it is all tied to “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge...” [Proverbs 12:1]. The discipline of doing what ought to be done, whether or not “I feel like it” is a necessary ingredient of becoming a productive member of society. It is the path to becoming wise. It is essential for life. As parents, we get to help our children and young people be students who are living out of that reality of self-discipline that is motivated intrinsically by a love and desire to serve God. Let us press on.

Ruts in the Driveway

by Kelly Knowlden

For those people who contend with dirt driveways, spring becomes one of those times when an evaluation of its condition is necessary. After driving all year in the same spot, the tire tracks are packed firmer creating a hump in the middle and along the sides. To level this off requires a great deal of work or a big machine.

Overcoming habits of sin - those well-grooved, hard-packed paths of response - is equally hard and requires “Big machinery” as well. When my children do not obey, my frustration level is high and I go into “rant mode.’ When I am late and my children seem not to be concerned about hurrying, I use short, caustic remarks. When my children say the most impossibly-stupid things that are not true, my response is to roll my eyes toward heaven. All these kinds of responses show my desire to control my world and my displeasure at not being able to do so. They are no-faith responses because they show that I believe that if I were running things, it would all be different. (Praise God that I am not running things!) My responses are deeply rutted and come quickly and without impediment.

In having these things be brought to my attention as sin, I am convicted and ask my God for forgiveness and help. Yet, the next time those situations come along, I “travel in old ruts.” So I purpose to be different. I pray harder and longer. I commit myself to staying away from situations that are particularly tempting. I do fine for a day or so—but eventually I “mess up.” My soul becomes convicted and I repent and wonder if I will ever change. Old ruts run deep. And at some point I say, “Forget it, I am just made this way and people will have to deal with me as I am.”

Then comes conviction and I start all over again. Probably, my mind replays all the times I have failed and I half-heartedly think that “I’ll try, but I’ll probably fail again.”

Phil. 3:13 says, “But one thing I do; forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Let us have the attitude of an athlete that didn’t win the last time. I am going to work at this again, and with the help of Christ, He will change my sinful habits of response. He does this as we seek Him. Press on!

Stupid Teacher!

by Kelly Knowlden

Sometimes our children come home with the kind of statements that are reflected above. Then they proceed to tell us why they think that the teacher is stupid. They, like us, are compelling in their reasons because they feel wronged. “If they would only see it my way...” and they proceed to tell how the situation “should have gone.”

As parents, how do we deal with this in a way that is sympathetic to our children and yet helps them understand the nature of reality as God created it? I cannot dismiss their feelings and tell them to “grin and bear it.” Nor can I agree with them that the teacher is stupid. (Even if I suspect that there is something not quite right about what the teacher is demanding or the way a teacher is handling the situation, I must log that into my head to deal with at a separate time. I cannot undermine my own parental authority by questioning the teacher’s decision in front of my child.) So what do I do?

I must listen and ask a lot of questions about what my child is saying. I must refine their statements with them and question their statements when I hear that which is illogical or wrong. I must not assume that my child is purposefully belligerent or lazy or wrong-headed. I must “be on their side” in the sense that the things that they are saying are the things that they “feel” and that must be governed. Then I must help them see things from the teacher’s perspective. Here, I must posit that the teacher is not their enemy and to assume that or respond in that way, denies God’s ordaining authorities for our benefit. (I do not agree with, but must submit to, all the laws of the land as long as they do not violate God’s law.) Learning how to do what the teacher is asking in spite of what it seems is never a bad lesson to teach our children.

Ultimately, I want them to see the authorities in their life as good. I realize that that will not always be true, but for now they will learn how to trust others. There is no better place than learning it here, where our teachers are trustworthy!